A ritual... here we are again*, at the beginning of a new year. It's that annual time for you to read about resolutions and new starts, right?
Hold up. Before you start aspirationally listing things, let’s try something different.
For a minute, just rewind this last year in your head, and think about it in a few different ways....
Where are you now vs. a year ago?
Where did you crush it, and where did you get challenged?
What did you learn about yourself this year?
...Now we’re getting to something more useful and meaningful than just resolutions, which won’t last anyhow alone. That annual declaration of resolutions is an activity which is almost cliche, as shown by the number of “Top 10 Resolutions You Know You’ll Break” pieces you can find this week online. It’s not surprising, yet also a missed opportunity. I’m actually a big fan of embracing and taking the cues of natural milestones in time to find and make meaning. Our brains love clean beginnings and clean endings. And I'm the biggest advocate you'll find for "decide to change now, and you can change." Yet... this tradition of just committing or resolving for a new year has some structural flaws, as it skips some really important pieces, which cause us halfway through the year to end up back in the very patterns we set out to change so enthusiastically just a few months prior.
First, resolutions don't go quite deep enough. Most of the focus only on the results themselves or maybe on the behaviors which are most accessible to start right away. Yet, they're not sustainable if what’s driving them never fundamentally shifts. Results that stick only come from pattern behavior change, which is driven and sustained only from mindset change. Lasting mindset change only comes from changing the triggers and conditioning all around us, which takes some self-awareness of your own patterns and forethought for setup. That setup for different results (and your potential 2017) requires a bit more process.
Even before identifying, let alone committing to what needs to change, there’s a critical step missing first, which we rush past so often we don’t even notice... Reflecting.
You know– Reviewing. Owning. Debriefing. Calling out what worked, and what didn’t, and seeing what’s there in order to set up what’s next in your story. Let's do that before you forge ahead.
There are a lot of angles to take on your year, each one getting at a different, important facet, so check these out as you think back over 2016... and see what pops out, gets stirred, and speaks to you most (no need to take them all on- you’ll know the right few when you get to them).
Right now, pause to really get where you are most meaningfully, so you can best set up where you're about to go. The easiest, fastest, most effective approach is to cut and paste the list below into your own doc, and just finishing each prompt:
- What I’m proud of...
- What I’m not...
- What I want to change...
- What I want to hold on to...
- How I soared...
- How I flailed...
- What holes I discovered and/or filled...
- What challenges I rose to (or not)...
- What I created...
- How I got in my own way...
- Yearnings...
- Challenges...
- Questions...
- Answers...
- Aspirations...
- Realistic necessities...
- Unrealistic dreams...
- Scary to utter commitments...
- What’s unresolved...
- What’s hard to admit...
- Who appeared...
- Who went away...
- Who expanded me...
- Who kept me small...
- What surprised me...
- What upset me...
- What inspired me...
- What I set out to do...
- What I actually accomplished...
- What I learned about myself...
...and the layers under each of those.
Do this all to yourself. Sure- many of those prompts above will be in service or relation to other people in/out/around your life, yet they can only take shape and have a chance in reality by starting in the first-person voice in your own head. That’s where our power is, that’s where it all falls apart or takes flight, and that’s where this year has to end and a new one begin.
There are some great places to do this. And ways to clear space for it if you need an assist.
So, make a date with yourself for some time in this first week of the year to do this. It’ll be the best, most worthwhile date you’ve had in a long time. Savoring Version: Clear some space, some time, and some quiet in your head to do your juicy, full year of 2016 justice. Take a bunch of minutes (or hours?) without talking about it to anyone else to just capture what’s there in your thinking and feeling... into writing. Fast Version: Take even a few minutes to cut, paste, and finish those sentences with your first thoughts without mental editing. Either way, you'll surface things into your awareness which will inform the course you set for this year in a layered, powerful way.
Then, with that clarity, watch how the resolutions (if still needed at all) will write themselves. Here's the next step for that ;)
*This post was first published in 12/31/13. And now it's back, a little revised, just in time for you to launch 2017. :)
Inawareness, balance, clarity, perspective, reflection, resolutions, your patternsTagsawareness, balance, change, clarity, Flow, focus, patterns, pause, performance, perspective, resolutions, time