A ritual... here we are again*, at the transition to a new year. It's that annual time for you to read about resolutions and new starts, right? Hold up. Before you start aspirationally listing things, let’s try something different...
For a minute, just rewind this last year in your head, and think about it in a few different ways....
Where are you now vs. a year ago?
Where did you crush it, and where did you get challenged?
What did you learn about yourself this year?
...Now we’re getting to something more useful and meaningful than just resolutions, which we know won’t last anyhow alone. That annual declaration of resolutions is an activity which is almost cliche, as shown by the number of “Top 10 Resolutions You Know You’ll Break” pieces you can find this week online. It’s not surprising, yet also a missed opportunity. I’m actually a big fan of embracing and taking the cues of natural milestones in time to find and make meaning. Our brains love clean beginnings and clean endings. And I'm the biggest advocate you'll find for "decide to change now, and you can change." Yet... this tradition of just committing or resolving for a new year has some structural flaws, as it skips some really important pieces, which cause us halfway through the year to end up back in the very patterns we set out to change so enthusiastically just a few months prior.
First, resolutions don't go quite deep enough. Most focus only on the results themselves or behaviors which are a big change from current reality. Yet, they're not realistic or sustainable if what’s driving them never fundamentally shifts. Results that stick come from changed behavior pattern (your habits) and mindset. Lasting behavior or mindset changes stick when we either change the triggers all around us or change our conditioned responses to those triggers, both of which require magnified self-awareness of your own patterns. You can definitely set yourself up for different results and patterns this year (to truly fulfill your potential in 2018), yet it has to start with that self-awareness. Let's go there...
Before identifying, let alone committing to what needs to change (as in resolutions), start with the clutch step most people miss, rushing past so often we don’t even notice... Reflecting. Y'know... Reviewing. Stepping back to get perspective. Owning. Debriefing. Calling out what worked, and what didn’t, and fully seeing what’s there in order to set up what’s next in your story. Let's do that before you forge ahead.
There are a lot of angles to take on your past year, each one getting at a different, important facet, so check these out as you think back over 2017... and see what pops out, gets stirred, and speaks to you most (no need to take them all on- you’ll know the right few when you get to them).
The Most Important List
Right now, pause to really get where you are most meaningfully, so you can best set up where you're about to go. Imagine yourself one year ago, side by side with yourself right now, paying attention to what's occurred in, around and out of you in that year between. From there, just finish each prompt:
- I have a new appreciation of...
- I made huge progress in...
- I am proud of...
- I am not proud of...
- I want to change...
- I want to hold on to...
- I soared by...
- I flailed by...
- Holes I discovered and/or filled...
- Challenges I rose to...
- I am no longer fazed by...
- I surpassed what I thought I could do in...
- I learned my limit in...
- I created...
- I have impacted...
- I have surprised myself by...
- I got in my own way by...
- Yearnings I had...
- Questions that have surfaced...
- Answers I found...
- Realistic necessities...
- Unrealistic dreams...
- Scary to utter commitments...
- What’s unresolved...
- What’s hard to admit...
- Who appeared...
- Who went away...
- Who expanded me...
- Who kept me small...
- What surprised me...
- What upset me...
- What inspired me...
- A moment from this year I'll never forget...
- I aspire to...
- What I set out to do...
- What I actually accomplished...
- What I learned about myself...
- I'm ready now to take on...
- It's about time I...
...and the layers under each of those.
Even reading that list stirred some reflection and thought just now, didn't it? That's the first important step, yet don't leave it there, just musing in your head. Write it all to yourself. The easiest, fastest, most effective approach is to cut and paste the list into your own doc, then just finish each sentence. Some may be just a few words, some may prompt a whole page! Doing this visually is powerful for the mind- the words on your screen or page bring a concrete reality to all that's occurred in this last year, which accelerates your ability to process and build from it. Allow yourself to go with it, answering without your inner editor, and watch your layers unfold.
Many of those prompts are in service or relation to other people and forces in/out/around your life, and will spark much for your next year, yet they can only take shape in reality by starting in your first-person voice from your own head. That’s where our power is, that’s where it all falls apart or takes flight, and that’s where this year has to end and a new one begin.
Timing: Do this now-ish. If not now, make a date with yourself for time in this first week of the year to do it. It’ll be the best, most worthwhile date you’ve had in a long time. There are some great places to do this. And ways to clear space for it if you need an assist.
Savoring Version: Clear some space, some time, and some quiet in your head to do your juicy, full year of 2017 justice. Take a bunch of minutes (or hours?) without talking about it to anyone else to just capture what’s there in your thinking and feeling... into writing. If you're up for a comprehensive annual personal review, I really love this one.
Quick&Dirty Version: Take even a few minutes to cut, paste, and finish those sentences with your first thoughts without mental editing. Either way, you'll surface things into your awareness which will inform the course you set for this year in a layered, powerful way.
Then, with that clarity, watch how the resolutions (if still needed at all) will write themselves. Here's the next step for that ;)
*This post was first published in 12/31/13. And now it's back, a little revised, just in time for you to launch 2018. :)
©SarahSinger&Co. 2018
Inawareness, balance, clarity, perspective, reflection, resolutions, your patternsTagsawareness, balance, change, clarity, Flow, focus, patterns, pause, performance, perspective, resolutions, time