My mom’s rear-view mirror always had etched onto it:
Objects in mirror are closer than they appear.
So it turns out that this standard-issue reminder about perception applies to our own psyche, as well.
When we get to the part of my training where I ask people to identify a spot in their lives where they need to step up or out or through something, many people find something BIG. It’s often having to do with a person they need to confront or a thing they’ve needed to do for a long time, which they’ve been allowing to suck their energy and hold them back in their productivity or happiness for weeks, months or years. Most people have a few of these things rattling around, sort of like extra weights they’ve been carrying around with them.
So, I help them to stand up to the BIG thing, and commit to busting through it to the elusive “other side” which is alot like those things in the rear-view mirror… much closer than it seems.
It often comes down to a conversation they need to have with someONE or a new behavior that they need to just DO or try. I coach around it, sometimes even set up full plans of attack for getting their State just right, and all the support they need to hold that State, follow through and not bail at the last second.
In my work with thousands of people who have gone through this very process, I’ve found something in common which takes me back to the rear-view mirror…
Leading up to the actual breakthrough (which is often just a moment), people will actually spend hours of time thinking about it, obsessing about it, rehearsing it or just worrying about it before they actually do it. The good news is that this is replacing the countless hours of stress, upset, distraction and worry that they had been spending regularly on it before they chose to break through it.
So finally, they get to the moment of truth.
They get into State (or not, which makes it more painful), they DO the big thing, and they’re through to the other side. The act or conversation took minutes. It’s over. The energy suck that had been draining their will and focus is cut off, and there’s a proud mix of adrenaline, relief and newfound energy afterward. Then the realization…
Obstacles are smaller than they appear.
It wasn’t that big of a deal in hindsight. All of that worrying and prep, and they broke through it in moments. To me as a coach, the most important thing is the equation of time spent that comes in the debrief:
Number of sucked hours of worry/upset/stress/energy you are losing in thinking, worrying, avoiding by not doing it
Moments it takes to just do it and be through to the other side
Simple equation of time investment.
Easy? Not really, which is where Comfort Zone and coaching like mine come in.
But simple? ABSOLUTELY. For me, this math is what gets me to finally get out of my head and do the uncomfortable but liberating thing.
Maybe we should change what’s etched in our rear-view mirrors as a constant reminder, so we can save all that time and energy, and just step up and out in the first place?